Dragnet Theme Here....

     I now believe that it is impossible to win in traffic court.  I, of course, was in traffic court again last Friday for the Westwood Kansas traffic stop.  It's funny, Officer Friendly could remember the tiniest, minute details of the events leading up to the traffic stop but could not remember for the life of him anything else.  He remembered where he was sitting when I committed my traffic sin but not exactly where he pulled me over.  He remembered I was talking on my cell phone when I went past him but not if I was still on it when he stopped me. He could remember explaining the ticket to me in a nice courteous manner but not his use of the term bull***t.  Apparently it is ok to use profanity on routine traffic stops.  He didn't know what a "dash cam" was, but he knew what a "cruiser camera" was.  He didn't know what a "courtesy" or "fix it" ticket was, but he knew what a "warning" ticket was.  He claimed there is no such thing as a "quota" for writing tickets.  He remembered exactly how many DUI tickets he had written in the past year, (61) but he could not remember when he turned on his flashing lights to pull me over.

     This reminded me of something right out of the twilight zone.  The Judge (Ted Turner, for real) looked giant up on his bench, like a vulture looking into a giant doorknob...and the prosecutor, in his polyester Sears suit loomed over me like the hangman at a linching.  The officer had not a personality anywhere on or in his body.  He smelled of gunpowder and had fresh eyebrow hair stuck in the butt of his gun from his last pistol whipping for a burnt out tail light.  I felt like I was the village idiot expected to automatically know how the court system works.  I would be interested to know where Mr. Prosecutor went to law school. 

     I thought I had the case won right away when I finally got out of Officer Friendly that there was indeed a camera in his cruiser video taping our entire exchange.  And since it is the burdon of the prosecutor to prove me guilty and the very piece of evidence that would clearly expose my guilt or innocence was not produced in court.  Instead, it always boils down to the officer's word against the motorist.  How does the officer's word automatically mean the motorist is guilty?  Especially when there was evidence that may have been left behind on purpose?  You cannot win!

     On the bright side, Judge Ted Turner did throw out the burned out license plate light fine of $90 or so.  He actually believed me that I had replaced it the day after the stop. 

     I can't wait for Officer Friendly to stop me again.  If they found me with 9 bullets in my back, a burned out headlight and Officer Friendly standing over me with an empty gun and smoke pouring from the barrel...would they rule it a suicide or that Officer Friendly just forgot you shouldn't shoot motorists?  He doesn't have a very good memory you know.