Merry Chr..whack Whack, WHACK...

     I have to apologize for not contributing my usual hilarious banter here in the last couple of days.  Have you ever heard the saying, "When God closes one door He opens another"?  Well, right before I got the axe at KFKF (along with 20 other nice people) I landed the biggest voiceover job I've ever had.  In fact, as of 3 am this morning I was almost halfway done with it.  Interestingly enough, it is a narration of the Bible.  Not the whole Bible, but a simplified Bible written to read like a novel.  I actually enjoyed the hours of reading.  I'll let you know when it is available on the market.

     In addition to that, I haven't been driving through Westwood Kansas anymore on my way to work.  I have really started to miss getting pistol whipped for having a faulty taillight.  Or getting tasered for changing lanes without a formal invitation.  I haven't had a single warning shot to the leg for a worn out windshield wiper.  Man, I never knew I would miss Officer Friendly so much.  His gruff, you are a criminal you Johnson County scumbag attitude.  His I can play as dumb as I want in the court room playfulness.  I still chuckle when I think back to his not knowing what a dash cam was because his cruiser had a "cruiser cam".  What a knucklehead!

     I decided since absence has made my heart grow fonder, I will try to find the perfect Christmas gift and hunt down Officer Friendly and give it to him.

     I was thinking maybe industrial strength pepper spray, the kind with just a hint of cyanide.  Or a new nightstick with the spikes made to pierce your skull when you get uppity during a strip search.  Maybe a new throw down weapon in case he wants to arrest you on a weapons charge but you have no weapon.  So many possibilities.

     Well, I'm off to the police supply warehouse for some Christmas cheer.  This is the kind of gift that keeps on giving.  Since he can't use it on me anymore, some other lucky holiday traveler will have the pleasure of his whimsical style of police brutality.  Merry Christmas Officer Friendly!