Earmarks and Skidmarks....

What a week it has been.  By now you know Stacy is recovering from knee replacement surgery almost three weeks ago?  Well, Stacy learned to move on her new knee pretty fast last Sunday.  Here comes the details....

It was a lazy Sunday for Stacy and I and we were sleeping in.  I had worked many hours and Stacy was trying to get the percocet monkey off her back, so we were pretty exhausted.  We had had a little breakfast earlier that morning and were just lazing in the bed when I decided to prepare some lunch for us.  As I worked busily in my kitchen, I all of a sudden felt a wave of nausea and proceeded to projectile vomit into the sink.  I wondered to myself in mid wretch, "Where in the world did that come from?". 

Lunch did not get made and I wandered back to the bedroom where Stacy inquired as to why I was wretching in the kitchen.  She could hear me from the bedroom as I vomit at full volume as to share the experience with anyone in the general vicinity, including the neighborhood.  I told her I got sick, as I crawled back out of bed and headed to the bathroom where I expelled every ounce of matter from any orifice that allowed exit.  This continued for 2 hours.  I finally found the strength to go back to bed when another wave hit me.  I grabbed my oral expulsion modulej(barf bucket for those of you who aren't familiar with them) and headed to the bathroom again. I did not make it.

Its not what you're thinking though.  I literally DID NOT make it.  I woke up on the floor with my feet in by the toilet and my head on the bottom stair that surrounds the tub.  Stacy was standing over my body trying to figure out I suppose why my body was not on the floor of the garage.  This house is built better than we thought.

Stacy then phone 911 and soon we had a fire truck and an ambulance in the street in front of the house.  I'm kinda surprised the neighbor across the street didn't call the cops because the emergency vehicles were blocking the street.  Anyway, they determined that I had passed out apparently without warning and should go to the hospital.  They ask if I wanted to go in the ambulance and I asked if I could run the lights and siren and they said no.  We went to the hospital with Ashleigh and Duncan.  If they won't let me play with their lights and sirens I'm not playing their game.  I must also take this moment to apologize to Ashleigh and Duncan for the untimely cough and inadvertent squirt that left a nasty skid mark on their seat. 

I would be in the hospital for 24 hours, receive 4-6 bags of IV stuff and embarass myself repeatedly by crapping all over the bed....4-6 times.  They determined I had gastritus, the flu and a bad case of anal seepage.  I got out 5 o'clock Monday and have felt great the rest of the week.

Things are back to normal now.  I'm not throwing up, Stacy isn't flying around the room anymore and life is back to dull, at best.  I'm just hoping the stimulus bill had a pork filled earmark that is seeking the cure for anal seepage and I hope they find it....soon!

That is all...Peters out!

Loose Ends...

The neat thing about having such a widely read blog are the responses I get from some of the people I write about.  I have to clear some things up and make some astonishing observations.

First.  Right after my last entry there was a buzz among the surviving members of the KEYN sales team who are now scattered all over the country as to which salespeople where using my home as an "Andy Griffith" refuge from the daily grinds of sales.  Also, H. Roger called and wanted to know your names also.  I didn't tell him about the time I joined the ENTIRE sales staff for an afternoon at the movies.  I believe the movie was National Lampoon's Vacation.  I tried to pull the old hairless mouse in the popcorn trick but ended up with the entire front of my white painter's pants soaked in urine colored butter flavoring.  Luckily I was able to tie my jacket around my waist to hide my embarrassment much like women who do the same to hide the size of their butt.

I also got a response to the blog from an old TV friend of mine named Kevin Nunn.  Kevin was the "color" man for channel 12 and was a huge personality in Wichita.  He frequently had me on Newstalk at Noon when an important guest would back out.  He was fun,  but not as fun as watching Mogie put on her lavalier mic under her clothing.  What memories.  Kevin was also with Stacy and I when Ashleigh was born.  Channel 12 got the exclusive on that.  Kevin, give me an email so we can touch base.

Finally, Stacy got her full knee replacement last Tuesday.  She did great and she came home Friday.  I guess I never realized what a whiner she is.  "give me some pain medicine, wha wha wha..."  You'd think she'd been through major joint replacement.  Brad Pistotnik called and wanted to know who to sue.

So, back to you former salespeople.  I haven't given Roger any names, yet.  What's it worth to you to stay anonymous?

That is all...Peters out!