Can you believe this bird lived to fly another day?

Amazing photo! Ouch! that's gonna leave a mark. Must have been a party weekend.

A friend of mine took these pictures of a pigeon imprint on his office window one Monday morning. Look at the incredible detail. By the way, no evidence of the body, just some feathers. Click on photos to enlarge.

That's all... Peters out!

Coming out.....

Over the past couple of months I have began to question my reputation as a ruggedly handsome man with boyish charm.  It's really hard to put into words.  Last night was the final episode of "The Bachelor" and at the end of the two hour special I found myself crying like a schoolgirl that just took a direct shot to the face during a game of dodge ball.  I new Andy would pick Tessa.  She was so evasive durng the season that she was the one girl of the original 25 that seemed unattainable.  WHAT IN THE HELL AM I SAYING?  I feel like I should be stepping out of the closet of masculinity. 

I am also anxiously awaiting the final episode of "Dancing with the Stars" tonight.  I really hope Apolo and that cute blonde girl with which he claims to have a brother/sister relationship with every week wins.  Although, Joey and Kim are great too!  Leyla just didn't score well enough Monday to win, in my opinion.  SEE,  I'M DOING IT AGAIN!  What's next?  "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? 

I can't believe I know the names of the people on these shows much less the name of the show itself.  I've always prided myself on never seeing one episode of "Survivor".  Now I know that Yao Man didn't win but Earl did.  I am pitiful.  I suppose I'll start dreaming about this stuff too.

I'd ask someone to drive by my house and shoot me while I'm mowing but I don't mow anymore because of my allergies.  Is there a 12 step program for any of this?  I haven't seen a UFC fight in months.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 

Okay, now you know.  Just one more thing.  If you're reading this Bevin, just keep telling yourself that second marriages never work out.  Why not have Andy set you up with his friend who had so little to offer when Andy was trying to make the hard decisions.  Geez!

That is all...Peters out!

The Day has Come....

It's Monday afternoon, the day before my life will be altered forever.  Either I am extremely naive or hopelessly optimistic but I can't believe that I am so "not bothered" by what lies ahead Tuesday morning.  At 7 am Tuesday I am getting my chest ripped open and they are going to yank veins from my leg and use them in my chest. 

Tuesday will affect my life more than I ever could have imagined.  Ususally, during open heart surgery, the patient goes under the anesthesia and wakes up sometime later and remembers nothing in between.  This won't be the case for me.  My surgery began at 7am and they finished up at about 1pm.  The only thing we know for sure is that I received 8 transfusions, if not more.  As I lay in the Intensive Care Unit I remember listening to Stacy and the nurse discussing the fact that I can hear them but I won't remember anything.  It's true, I could hear them and yes, I do remember it. 

At about 4 that afternoon I started coming out of the anesthesia and was aware of my surroundings despite being shackled to the bed and being on a respirator.  This was also the time I remember hearing a female voice telling someone that I had no blood pressure.  Stacy told me that they had already scooted the family out of the room and pulled the curtains as my body functions began to shut down for no apparent reason.  From my perspective, I was laying in a dark room full of people who were discussing intibation and anesthesia and going back to surgery and the sounds of machines beeping.  I could hear the panic in Dr. Castlemain's voice as he discussed different options about opening my chest back up.  I recall thinking that I was having trouble breathing but I couldn't tell them as there were tubes in my throat and the words just wouldn't come.

Stacy says they worked on me from 4pm to 8 pm.  From my perspective it seemed like about 15 minutes.  It's hard to describe what I was feeling.  I can tell you there was no fear.  I thought about the fact that I may die, but I  just had this overwhelming feeling of peace.  The only thing I could see was an incredibly beautiful field of blue.  Kind of like looking up at a clear summer night's sky to see the milky way.  I thought about my wife and my children and thought to myself that I never had the chance to say goodbye and that bothered me.  I thought "This is not a good time for me to die."  Later on Dr. Bissing, my cardliologist would tell me that I wasn't ready to die and for that simple reason I didn't.  Dr. Bissing also said that I had no other senses but hearing  because hearing is the last one to go.

All this time the doctors were working on me.  Then, as if time fast forwarded, I felt a warm liquid on my neck and chest and the doctor asking "Where did that come from?"  At that point, everything seemed to get very quiet and I remember just laying there panting.  Then, all of a sudden, I was sitting in a recliner chair and it was Wednesday morning.  They had pulled the breathing tube out of my mouth and my lungs literally exploded with the fluid that apparently had been filling my lungs.  I can only assume that the tube was in incorrectly.

What I didn't realize until I heard my family's side of the story was that I have a huge lapse in the amount of time I remember lying in ICU while they worked on me.  I have some memories of that lapse of time but I think at this time I will just keep those personal.  I will say that the experience completely changed the way I look at death and what happens when we die.  I can't say my whole life passed before me but the important things did.

Let me just leave you with this thought.  If you are ever in a position where a loved one is dying and does not seem to be conscious, I can almost guarantee they can hear every word you say.  Make sure you talk to them and let them know how you feel. 

That is all...Peters out!

...and the Beat Goes On....

So, here I am.  Sent home from the hospital with a heart that is working at less than half it's capacity.  Believe it or not, dying from this never really crossed my mind.  But I'm pretty sure that time was running out fairly fast at that time.  For the month of January I took alot of pills that were meant to keep cholesterol down and one that made it easier for my damaged heart to beat. 

Super Bowl Sunday was much like any other Sunday.  I think we had a few friends over to watch the game and after the game, we cleaned up and went to bed.  I was sleeping in a near sitting position at that time to keep my lungs from filling up with fluid.  About 1 in the morning I woke up with a heaviness in my chest.  The doctor told us that any kind of pressure or pain in my chest should be treated as a heart attack and I should go to the hospital immediately, and that's what we did.

Let me tell you right now that Stacy was at my side through this whole ordeal.  I believe it was harder on her than it was on me.  After all, I had drugs.  I don't believe I could have made it through this without her. We went to the emergency room and they admitted me immediately and sent me upstairs where they hooked me up with more wires than in my son's mouth.  I saw doctors and nurses and assistants and all kinds of hospital personnel including the hospital chaplain.  Dr. Castlemain ordered a "nuclear stress test" so they could stress my heart without killing me on a treadmill, as they and I believed, would be the outcome.

The doctor came back in and said "Good news!"  My heart started working some under stress, so he believed he could help me survive this with open heart surgery.  I said, "Let's do it",  knowing in the back of my mind that this was my only chance at survival.  I remained positive and upbeat the rest of that day so as to keep Stacy from totally freaking out, which I witnessed during the births of our children.  I would have my chest ripped open Tuesday morning at 7 am.  Dr. Castlemain would perform the surgery.  I consider him, to this day, as my personal angel.  You'll find out why when this continues next time.  Until then....

That is all....Peters out!!!

OK, let's review...

When I last wrote,  I told you of my many attacks of indigestion.  I already had a doctor's appointment set up for right after the first of the year, 2005.  What I write from here on, I have to tell you is difficult at best.  There will be some very personal details left out purposely.

Stacy accompanied me to the doctor's appointment that day in early January 2005.  I told the doctor of the bouts with indigestion, but there were also other oddities happening to me.  You may want to pay close attention here as maybe I can identify some health problems you may be experiencing.  I was also having a "gurgling"  in my lungs when I laid down flat.  My left ankle was swolen as was my neck and throat area.  I thought I had just gained some weight, but it turns out that wasn't necessarily the case.  I think in the back of my mind I knew what was happening, but denial turns out to be more than just a river in Egypt.

The doctor decided to run a 12 point EKG on me.  When she came back in the room after the EKG, she told us she was going to have me go see another doctor upstairs...a cardiologist.  She did give me an Advair breather in case the lung thing was some kind of allergy.  I never did use that it.

We went upstairs immediately and met with  Dr. Bissing.  As we sat and discussed the symptoms I had been having, he ask me how I felt at that moment and I said I felt like I was having some indigestion and my chest was kind of heavy.  He said he was admitting me and I should call in sick becausing I was spending the night in the hospital.  The rest of that day was filled with more tests, including a heart cath, which I snored through.  At the end of the day came the news.

I was suffering from Congestive Heart Failure.  A normal heart has an "ejection fraction" of 65%.  That's how much your heart contracts to pump blood.  My ejection fraction was 25 to 30% at best.  Those "indigestion" attacks I was having were heart attacks.  The doctors said that my heart was enlarged and the bottom part of my heart, whatever it is called, was "non-viable"...dead.  Maybe it didn't hit me at that exact moment what they were telling me so I ask what we were going to do.  They said there was nothing surgically they could do.  They said they would consider putting me on the heart transplant list but they said I probably wouldn't be accepted because of my diabetes. 

I guess what I had in the back of my mind all along was right.  After all, my Dad had his first heart attack and bypass surgery about the age of 50.  His Father died of a heart attack at the age of 44 and my Dad's only brother died at the age of 33.  It turns out my cousin had heart bypass surgery at about the age of 50.  Family history is one of the strongest indicators of whether you'll have heart problems as it turns out.

They  prescribed some meds and sent me home.  I didn't realize at the time that it was possible I was going home to live out my life.  I went back to work and didn't have any more heart attacks, at least until Super Bowl Sunday.  Stay tuned as the plot thickens...

That is all...Peters out!

The Saga Continues...

So, now we live in Kansas City, the whole family except for Ashleigh, who is finishing high school in Lincoln.  Stacy's job is going well, the kids are enrolled in school at Shawnee Mission Northwest and I need to find a job.  I get in at KFKF as a part timer in February working about 10 hurs a week and continuing to look for real work.  This is when you discover just how limited your talents are.  After a couple of months, the Program Director offers me an airshift that pays as well as my first job in Wichita some twenty years earlier.  We are finally doing pretty well.

In May I started having really bad cases of indigestion, or so I thought at the time.  The pain was pretty intense like a hot ice pick going through my right shulder into my shoulder blade.  It felt just like the morning after one of Mr. X's chili parties.  I would alsways take an aspirin and lay down and it would eventually go away.  This was happening about once a week.  I also noticed that my left ankle was swollen most of the time.  I blew it off as a side effect from quitting smoking and gaining a few extra pounds.

Stacy had a meeting in Denver in October, so we decided to go out a few days early and spend some time in Breckenridge before her meeting.  I was having trouble getting enough oxygen at that elevation, so never missing an opportunity Stacy took me higher to the Great Divide where air is even thinner.  I survived.  Later that evening we strolled down the street to have dinner.  On the way back to the condo, I had my indigestion and ended up actually getting physically sick.  The next day I took Stacy to her meeting in east Denver and then I drove the 8 hour drive back to Kansas City.

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for right after the first of the year so maybe I could get this indigestion thing under control...and that was when life started to get interesting.  By now I have had as many as thirteen of my indigestion attacks. 

That is all....for now...Peters out!